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Posts Tagged ‘pessimism’

Hi there…

Well I have been so freaking PISSED lately. My family is always on my back, but the main problem is my friends. So basically, one of my friends (Lise) invited me to her sleepover with a whole bunch of other friends. We formed a little group thing at the beginning of the year. But the thing is, the group thing worked out for everyone BUT me. I feel farther apart from them than before–not closer. But anyway. Lise invited me to her sleepover, and I don’t think I’m gonna go. I know that sounds b**chy, but I just don’t relate to them anymore. They treat me like I’m a spoilsport, just because I don’t ADORE anything related to sex, drugs, and slacker-ness. They call me a suck-up because I get 100%’s on most of my tests (except in math, but my average is still higher than theirs). I just have nothing in common with them. Sadly, they have a LOT in common with each other, and at the beginning of the year we scheduled all our classes to be together. So now I’m stuck with them. They don’t MEAN to leave me out, they just end up doing it because I find them obnoxious and they find me different from them.

Well, I’ve been hanging out with a really nice group of people, and they are really supportive. I won’t name them all here, but basically they’re a lot like me. One of them is teaching me to knit, and they’re all super creative. I just wish that my old friends (see above ^^) didn’t give me dirty looks whenever I hang out with the nicer people.

And then there’s this whole confidence thing. I take voice, and my voice teacher said that if I didn’t become more confident and less perfectionistic, she couldn’t teach me anymore. So I have to get a triple dose of confidence FAST. It doesn’t work that way, though. I scrutinize myself too much, I’m not optimistic, I have some serious issues with my attitude right now, and I just wish I didn’t care what people think.

But I do.

And then BOYS. Boys hate me, and I don’t know why. I try and try. I’m attractive, and I’m nice (and I’m not bragging), and I’m not really to assertive. I’m 14 years old and I have not once had a relationship with anyone. I feel so out of the loop. I mean, I like…3 guys right now. And as far as I can tell, none of them like me back. Well, one did hug me after the musical was over, because I was crying. And another one did sit with me in science (although he talked to his friend at another table the entire time).

I’m just so confused, bewildered, and angry.

At least I’m going to a private high school–which means I never have to see most of the people I’m bitching about EVER AGAIN!

Helena

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